the last day, the loudest fart, & mrs. boudreaux.

today was my last day of school.

i won’t be there tomorrow, and yeah… it’s starting to really sink in.

it started out like a regular day. a little too regular—until he struck.

you know who i’m talking about.

the guy who made the loudest fart in school history.

like, earth-shaking. window-rattling. record-breaking.

it echoed down the hall like it had its own theme music. and he didn’t stop there.

dude just kept going. like it was his farewell gift to the school.

everyone lost it. teachers, students, me—I was wheezing.

and honestly? thank you, fart legend.

you made my last day unforgettable.

but once the laughs settled down, it hit me.

this was the last time i’d walk those halls.

the last time i’d sit in that classroom.

the last time i’d see mrs. boudreaux.

mrs. boudreaux was everything.

sweet, smart, kind—just the best teacher i’ve ever had.

she didn’t just teach lessons, she made you feel seen. she made class feel like home.

i love her so much. i’m gonna miss her like crazy.

walking away today felt like leaving a piece of my heart behind.

i didn’t want to cry—but i did. and i’m okay with that.

because people like mrs. boudreaux deserve tears. they deserve to be remembered.

so this is my goodbye.

to the loudest fart of all time.

to the best teacher ever.

and to the school that gave me both.

thank you.

– colt 💛

the all-holly forgets the hyphen, chaos energy

just when you think the legend can’t get any messier, a, the all-holly proves you wrong. again.

today, while silently mocking god in his head and spelling “holy” as “holly” for the umpteenth time,

he also skipped the hyphen.

yep. no comma, no hyphen.

just a messy run-on of pure confusion:

“a the all holly.”

this isn’t a title anymore — it’s a sentence fragment lost in the woods.

did he forget? was he in a hurry? or does he just hate punctuation like it’s his sworn enemy?

the man can’t even get the basic grammar down while trying to mock the divine — a true chaotic icon in the making.

at this rate, we’re gonna have to start calling him:

a the all holly (no hyphens, no mercy).

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no peace, just chaos. by: your local reporter of ridiculousness.

first, facts:

no walkers at this school.

your way home?

ride the bus

get picked up by your mom or dad at Car Riders (the fancy early-leavers club)

or stay at ASP till 2pm or later

now, the story.

---

first, in Ms. R’s class, we signed our third-grade memory books.

everyone just wrote their names. normal stuff.

except for A.

he signed:

"A, the all holly."

not “all holy.” all holly — like the christmas plant.

festive energy, not divine.

second, in the hallway, a kid was walking and then—he fell.

no warning. just down he went.

everyone laughed like it was a comedy show:

"ha ha ha ha HAHAHAHA!!!”

he stayed down, probably plotting revenge on floors.

third, on the afternoon bus, a girl found some plastic on the floor—a fork wrapper—and ate it.

like a snack.

when we stared, she said:

"it’s not that bad.”

girl, that was floor plastic.

special shoutout:

this chaos brought to you by Your Final Destination to Beauty, proudly sponsored by me.

because if school is wild, at least your hair and nails don’t have to be.

conclusion:

this school is a sitcom.

i’m just here for the crazy episodes.

someone get me a makeover and a snack.

the la-boo-boo bus ritual

oday in the bus line, something... strange happened.

there were these kids. a group. a chanting group. i don't know what they were trying to do, but it felt like i was in the middle of a summoning circle. they were chanting, over and over:

la-boo-boo, la-boo-boo, la-boo-boo.

like a chorus from the underworld. like a cursed remix of a tiktok sound. like beelzebub himself had a fan club in elementary school.

i mean, should i have been worried? were they casting a spell? opening a portal? preparing for a secret playground rebellion?

everyone was just going along with it. no teachers intervened. it was like the la-boo-boo took over. it echoed. it shook the soul. it summoned... confusion.

anyway, if bus 116 (not my bus) turns into a chariot of fire tomorrow, you’ll know why.

#schooldramaathces

the unknown bathroom... and someone’s missing

okay, so here’s something weird that happened.

it wasn’t today, but it’s been bothering me ever since.

someone went missing, and I’m not talking about just skipping class or something.

this person literally vanished into thin air.

the last place anyone saw them?

a bathroom. but not any bathroom.

it was one of those bathrooms you don’t really know about unless you’ve been around long enough.

hidden away in a corner of the school, behind a door that’s always kind of cracked open, but no one really uses it.

I didn’t even know it existed until now.

anyway, this kid was last seen going in there between classes.

and then... nothing. no one saw them come out.

some of the other students tried to go in, but the door was locked. no one could get in.

the weirdest part? the bathroom smelled different—like old books and something else. something musty, like a place that hasn’t been used in ages.

but the teachers? they didn’t care.

no announcements, no searches.

it was like it never happened.

I don’t know what’s up with that bathroom, but after that, no one’s been willing to go near it.

and I’m starting to think it’s not just an old, hidden bathroom. It feels like it’s hiding something.

onions. idc.

today they gave us onions.

like, actual onions. in a basket. to a bag with a recipe for french onion soup like we’re all tiny chefs with stoves and free time.

nobody explained anything. no one questioned it.

we just took our onions like it was normal. it wasn’t.

someone started throwing onionballs on the bus.

the whole place smelled like a failed cooking show.

i got off. i’m fine. the onion is fine.

my backpack? not fine.

do i like onions? yes.

do i know why i have one now? no.

do i care? idc.

this is hces. weirder things have happened. probably.

gma is creeping up... and it’s math. yay.

okay so this isn’t real drama, but it’s definitely school drama. not the juicy kind—more like the “ugh why is this happening” kind.

gma is on monday. and it’s math.

yeah. the georgia milestone assessment. sounds like a superhero movie, but it’s really just a test that makes you sit still for too long and do math problems that may or may not make your brain melt.

here’s what to do so you don’t turn into a sad little test potato:

- get sleep. like actual sleep. not “i stayed up watching slime videos then laid in bed thinking about pizza.” real sleep.

- eat breakfast. even if it’s just a granola bar and a dramatic sigh.

- bring your stuff. pencils, scratch paper, maybe your will to live.

- don’t panic. it’s math, not a fire drill. just do your best and move on.

monday is coming. it’s not fun. but we’ll survive it. probably.

— colt, reporting live from the eye of the school storm