oh my god

so, um… someone… someone touched mrs. felker’s lego box. like, they didn’t even do anything bad, they just moved it a little, and mrs. felker lost it. she straight up yelled at them, like the whole classroom went quiet for a second. everybody was staring, and the poor kid just froze. it was honestly kinda scary but also a little funny because… it’s just a box of legos??

btw, speaking of mrs. felker, she is literally the meanest person ever. she’s the lego robotics teacher, and i’m actually in her class. she acts like everything in that room belongs in a high-security museum. if you breathe wrong near her stuff, you’re in trouble. I made a video exposing her (click here), because people need to know. i swear, she could make someone cry just by looking at them.

and anyway, as usual, the bus is screaming. like, everyone yelling over each other, seats banging, people standing up when they’re not supposed to, the whole chaotic mess. it’s like a zoo on wheels. i don’t even know how the bus driver deals with it. every ride feels like it’s going to explode in noise.

he did what

so, there’s this guy named d in fourth grade. he was out in the hallway, talking in front of his friend, and he started cussing the teacher out in spanish. not yelling it, just saying it. either the teacher overheard or somebody snitched (seriously, what the heck, man), but that was enough to bring in ms. deidre. and when ms. deidre shows up, you already know the fun is over. that’s like the final boss level of school trouble. he miiiiiiight go to iss, idk yet.

then, in my class, we were lining up to go to extra recess when somebody just swiped the smart board. wiped the whole thing clean. and the funniest part? the teacher didn’t even care. didn’t turn around, didn’t stop us, nothing. just kept the line moving like it never even happened.

so yeah—hallway spanish cussing + smart board erasing + ms. deidre’s boss energy = another chaotic episode of school life.

bus beef and classroom drama

so uh apparently i “called this girl fat.” which i didn’t. i was just throwing a joke out there that had nothing to do with her, and somehow she decided to turn it into a full-blown rumor that i called her fat. now everyone in class is whispering, side-eyeing me, and acting like i personally started world war iii. honestly, it’s wild how quickly a single joke can get twisted into a headline story in five minutes.

but that’s not even the half of it. on the bus, there’s this kid who will not. stop. swearing. like every other word is a curse. it’s nonstop. it’s like he’s trying to invent new curse words on the spot or training for the “cussing olympics.” the bus driver is still holding out, but you can almost feel the tension building—one more word and we’re gonna get the legendary “STOP SCREAMING” announcement. it’s honestly like riding a rollercoaster that doesn’t end, except instead of loops, it’s just chaos, yelling, and bus-seat drama.

so yeah, classroom beef, rumors flying, and bus chaos happening all at once. school life is basically a full-blown soap opera, and i’m stuck right in the middle of it. sometimes i wonder if anyone is actually just going to chill, but nah—apparently drama is the main course every single day. honestly, someone should start filming this, because the chaos is too good not to be a reality show.

ooh dramaaaa

okay, so it is kind of loud on the bus right now. and by kind of loud, i mean, holy crap, i think my ears are about to pack up and move to a quieter neighborhood.

this morning during morning work, things were already getting spicy. k—you remember her, miss “i have a crush on someone whose name starts with j”?—decided to turn the classroom into her personal reality tv show. out of nowhere, she yells “stupid h*e” at someone. it was like a verbal grenade went off. jaws dropped. people turned. somewhere, a dramatic “dun dun duuun” sound effect was playing in the distance.

later in the day, while we were just chillin’ in the hallway, one of the car riders throws up a gang sign. like, full confidence, zero hesitation. i’m not showing you or telling you what it was (safety first, y’all), but my eyes got real wide real quick.

oh, and by the way—plot twist—I gave some girl my phone number today. i think she might want to date me, but honestly, i’m just over here like 👀.

today’s been… eventful. and loud. on the bus, kids are literally screaming. the assistant principal came. what. update: there’s a pre-k’er or kindergartener with the chappiest lips alive sitting here naming every single app on my phone like it’s roll call. why

the bus is a traveling circus

today’s episode of “the bus is a traveling circus” starts with me sitting down, flipping my samsung z flip 5 open and closed (because yes, it’s satisfying) when a pre-k kid spots it. now, this isn’t a dusty 2000s flip phone—it’s the shiny $1,000 z flip 5. this child, who probably still can’t spell “phone,” just goes, “can i have your phone?” sir?? do you think i keep high-end electronics up my butt for preschoolers to borrow?

while i’m still processing that, there’s this guy in my class who’s been giving me the looks. not once, not twice—like, repeatedly. the long, lingering kind. i’ve got a suspicion why, but i’m not saying anything yet.

and then the screaming starts. not regular talking—full, ear-piercing chaos. the bus lady, through the walkie-talkie, in that “i am so sick and tired of this crap” voice, says: “stop screaming.” calm, low, utterly done. and what do the kids do? keep. screaming. let the poor bus lady drive, okay? like… god.

in fact, i’m officially going to one of those petition websites to start a movement called “let the bus lady drive” (alternatively: stop interrupting bus drivers). because seriously, these people are heroes in the line of screaming fire, and we keep acting like they’re background noise.

today’s highlights:

bold preschooler tries to score my $1,000 phone

suspicious staring from a classmate

bus driver’s patience tested by noise levels equal to a jet engine

the birth of my upcoming activism campaign to protect bus driver peace

i made it home with my phone, my hearing slightly damaged, and a renewed respect for the unsung warriors of public school transportation.

stop screaming

today’s bus ride turned into pure chaos before we even pulled out of the parking lot. everyone was talking over each other, shouting across the aisles, laughing way too loud, and basically making enough noise to shake the windows.

our bus driver was standing near the front, talking to someone, and you could see the exact moment she’d had enough. she whipped around, eyes wide, and shouted at the top of her lungs: “STOP SCREAMING!”

but instead of quieting down, the bus just… kept going. some kids got even louder just to see if she’d yell again. others acted like they didn’t hear a thing. the noise was ridiculous — like trying to have a conversation in the middle of a tornado.

when she finally sat down to get ready to drive, it was obvious she was done with us. if that ride had been a video game, we were already on our last life.

lesson: maybe don’t push the bus driver’s patience before the trip even starts… you still have the whole ride ahead of you. UPDATE: uhhhh... so they keep screaming ok byeeeee

the j crush

so there i was.

minding my business.

probably thinking about lunch or something.

when this girl, K, just looks at me and goes:

"i like someone. his name starts with J."

like.

girl. WHAT???

outta nowhere. no warning.

no “hi”

no “you didn’t hear this from me”

just BOOM. crush info. right in my face.

and here’s the thing.

J is not even in our class.

and the only J i even KNOW is Jesse.

so now i’m sitting here with this info just bouncing around my head like a dodgeball in PE.

what am i supposed to do with this?? start a private investigation??

(lol. maybe.)

was it a slip?

was it on purpose?

was she hoping i’d tell someone???

too late. i told the internet.

(this blog doesn’t count though. it’s journalism. 📝)

moral of the story:

never trust a normal moment at hces.

not when crush confessions are flying outta people like it’s nothing.

stay tuned for the next unexpected drama.

bc trust me. it’s coming. 😌